By Ed Errington
In a far distant galaxy on the colony of New Australia, a scientific research project that took years to complete finally matures, thanks to the concerted efforts of its eminent scientists. On Sydnember the fifty-first, capsules of black, dark, bright and funky humour are transported to secret warehouses in large, sealed containers. Such is the degree of government secrecy that heavy loads of refined humour are despatched under the cover of darkness. The drivers are sworn to secrecy on pains of harsh punishment should they tell anyone, particularly the media, about their deliveries. The threat proves unnecessary as the drivers do not know what they are carrying.
The scientists hold clinical trials to determine the likely potency of this humour. Subjects consist of adults with right-wing tendencies, along with ultra-conservative voters and allied media commentators. Selection is on the basis of declaring no humour whatsoever — not even a sense of humour. The research takes place under the auspices of the internet-based University of Life. The idea being: if humour can work on those professing to be humourless, it might also work on less-extreme humour bandwidths. Comedians, satirists, political cartoonists, and stand-up comedy artists are deemed ineligible to participate.
The government who fund the project promises to use high-grade humour to serve the common good. They decide to employ it sparingly on the public but only as a final resort. They insist — rather unconvincingly — it must not be used to influence electoral votes. Give the government its due — humour has been kept absent from parliamentary affairs for decades — and so, parliamentarians do indeed lead by example. Warehouse supplies of humour are secreted well away from public gaze and the media.
Only when constituents rebel against their democratically elected members will parliament dole out humour on a needs-only basis. Insecure politicians live in constant fear that ill-placed humour will backfire on them, and worse still an unsympathetic public might distil unrefined, street-grade humour to denigrate their political party. Outbreaks of spontaneous humour on state-owned broadcast media are quashed to silence critical dialogue — via parliamentary control of the public purse strings funding the media.
All this happens in the context of a declining public esteem for politicians. Note, the public did not become disenchanted towards politicians overnight. On the contrary, it took decades for the majority to become aware of the pecuniary interests, electoral indifference, self-aggrandisement and entitlements of ethically and morally unshackled politicians.
The colony moves on: political friends and foes alike trade humour on the New Australia Stock Exchange. All bodes well for capitalists until the Great Depression strikes the colony. The black hole at the epicentre of people’s psyche turns into a pandemic. Psychologists prescribe humour for a rapidly growing number of patients. Supplies of humour run so low it becomes a rare commodity overnight. The richest lady in New Australia, two-hundred-year-old Adelaide Barber, bids successfully for the very last laugh during a sensational auction in New Townsville, New Australia’s capital city. Being of a philanthropic disposition, she collects her prize and walks over to the poorest bidder in the room.
‘Here,’ she says, ‘have the last laugh on me.’
About The Author
Ed Errington
…is a writer living in North Queensland. He has an avid interest in writing sci-fi that links directly with current and lived realities…urban fantasy of the bizarre persuasion…and more subtle forms of comedy.
Ed is currently engaged in completing two earlier, lengthier writing projects…and hopes to return to the sanity of the present sometime in mid-2019. Even though that is, well…set in the future, he hopes one day to give up time-travel to live in the present…when he can remember exactly where he left it…
Ion Newcombe is the editor and publisher of AntipodeanSF, Australia’s longest running online speculative fiction magazine, regularly issued since January 1998, and conceived back around November 2007. He has been a zealous reader and occasional writer of SF since his childhood in the 1960s, and even sold a few stories here and there back in the '90s.
Mark Webb's midlife crisis came in the form of attempting to write speculative fiction at a very slow pace. His wife maintains this is a good outcome considering the more expensive and cliched alternatives. Evidence of Mark's attempts to procrastinate in his writing, including general musings and reviews of books he has been reading, can be found at www.markwebb.name.
Garry Dean lives on the Mid Coast of New South Wales Australia, and has been a fan of SF for most of his natural life. Being vision impaired, he makes good use of voice recognition and text to speech in order to write. Many of his stories have appeared in AntipodeanSF over the years, and his love of all things audio led him to join the narration team in 2017.
Mark is an astrophysicist and space scientist who worked on the Cassini/Huygens mission to Saturn. Following this he worked in computer consultancy, engineering, and high energy research (with a stint at the JET Fusion Torus).
Laurie Bell lives in Melbourne, Australia. She was that girl you found with her nose always buried in a book. She has been writing ever since she was a little girl and first picked up a pen. From books to short stories, radio plays to snippets of ideas and reading them aloud to anyone who will listen.
David Whitaker is originally from the UK though has travelled around a bit and now resides in India. He has a degree in Journalism, however decided that as he’s always preferred making things up it should ultimately become a resource rather than a profession.
Timothy Gwyn is a professional pilot in Canada, where he flies to remote communities. During a lull in his flying career, he was a radio announcer for three years, and he is also an author.
Margaret lives the good life on a small piece of rural New South Wales Australia, with an amazing man, a couple of pets, and several rambunctious wombats.
Pixie is a voice actor, cabaret performer & slam poet From the Blue Mountains in NSW.